Motherhood is…complex.
Mother’s Day was a bit ago but since mothering doesn’t only happen on one day, I’m bringing it here too! I actually wrote and posted this on my Instagram but then remembered that some people don’t use that platform so I want to share it here too.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mamas out there in all forms!
First of all, I’m INSANELY grateful for my own mama. She’s truly the best and I appreciate her quite literally 97x more now that I’m a mom! She’s a badass. Also sending extra love to those whose moms are no longer here ❤️
Second of all, I am extraordinarily grateful to get to be the mom to my two little ones. I never take for granted that when I made the intentional decision to become a mom, we easily conceived and without health issues for me or them. I am so thankful because I know that isn’t the case for so so many ❤️
Motherhood is hard and it can be particularly hard for me. I got slammed hard with postpartum depression and anxiety both times and am still in it.
My mood, energy level, happiness and patience can be all over the place. Throw in quarantine and shit, it gets even harder. I want the best for them always and I want to be my best for them but I know I fall short at times. My soul aches with how much I love them both.
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That being said, I don’t always love being a mom. Sometimes I miss my pre-kid life: massive amounts of free time, spontaneity, warm food, traveling light, basically doing whatever the fuck I wanted. 😂
Sometimes (ok a lot) I miss the quiet and to not be needed in such an immediate and intense way.
But then when I think of how my life right now might look without them, I can’t see it. I truly cannot because they are such an integral part of it.
A few weeks ago, something sank in deeply. the way I feel about my mom (how she can comfort me like no one else, say the right thing, call right when i need her, know my whole story, love me despite of and because of my imperfections), I AM that for my kids!
It reminds me to keep doing the best I can, even when it’s hard and not perfect.
Even though I may not always love every second of motherhood, I absolutely love that I get to be the mom to Atlas and Zürich!
It’s a serious responsibility to raise tiny humans to be kind, thoughtful, accepting, and critical thinkers. I am grateful I get to help guide them, along with a true partner (my husband)!
ps. I am working on a resource to increase the health and happiness of our relationships, starting with ourselves. I am spending most of my brain power on creating that content. I know that I said ‘yay I’m back to writing!’ I am…and it’s being channeled into this! Stay tuned 🙂
We are quite similar, friend.
I don’t love every aspect of motherhood and I definitely need days when M is at her grandparents’ and I am able to be home alone… But I wouldn’t trade being her mom in for anything in the world.